Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Theme Week 5: Narrative; "The Hole"

My parents were only together for a short time after I was born before they split up. Soon my dad found another woman; she became like a second mother to me and gave me a little brother. Cade and I are four years apart, growing up I only saw him and my dad on the weekends, holidays and vacations. I’m not sure, maybe because I didn’t have to live with Cade all the time and share my things with him 24/7 that we were closer than most siblings I knew. At the end of the weekend when it was time to go back to my mom’s house it was back to me to entertain myself since I was an only child with her. I liked having someone to play with, even if it was my brother. Of course there was a little sibling rivalry, I was a spoiled little girl and got away with most things and little boys can get on a girls nerve sometimes, we threw rocks and punches, but at the end of the day we really relied on one another, for entertainment, understanding, for friendship. I would do anything for him and I know he would for me too.

Cade has never liked his vegetables. My dad has always been concerned with eating healthy and organic. Even I, liking most fruits and vegetables, was a little sickened when it came to some of his concoctions. Chic peas, brown rice, baked beans, and spinach just to name a few of the things I remember hating. But Cade, well he disliked everything, he wouldn’t touch a vegetable no matter what it was. Many times he’s been left at the dinner table picking at his food, going to bed hungry only to raid the cupboards for snacks after everyone’s sleeping, not getting dessert or just finding some new and inventive way to dispose of unappetizing chow.

On this particular evening we had all sat down at the table, nervously waiting the unearthing of tonight’s dinner. Sweet smells were drifting through the kitchen, settling in the dining room where they were being heavily scrutinized by Cade and I. “It smells good, maybe its steak and potatoes.” Cade says hopefully, looking to me for agreement. “Smells are deceiving, but yeah I hope it is steak, something good for a change.” “I bet its liver or maybe a sickly soup filled with all sorts of foul things.” “Oh don’t be so dramatic, here it comes anyways.” Dad, being a man of few words, “Eat it while it’s hot,” insensitively depositing the large blue plates, overflowing with tonight’s nightmare cooking, in front of us. Brown rice covers the plate topped with cooked broccoli, peppers, zucchini, squash, caramelized onions, corn, pea pods, carrots, and chicken. It’s a stir-fry. To me, this wasn’t so bad, besides the brown rice that I hate. Cade on the other hand is eyeing the vegetables with a sick expression on his face, “Uggghh,” sighing displeasingly as he slowly begins to stab his food as if it were diseased. Since I like most of the things on my plate I try to get as much rice in every bite filled with the vegetables and chicken that I can stomach. Cade just picks out the chicken to find nourishment. Dad is eyeing us across the table, especially Cade. We are the last ones to finish, as usual, I still have a pile of rice left and Cade expectantly hasn’t touched his vegetables or his rice. “We could feed it to the dogs,” I suggest, doubting the whole possibility that Mya and Zeus would find this tasty, well maybe Mya because she eats anything. “No, I have a better idea, wait until he leaves,” Cade whispers, his face is filled with that monkey business look on his which tells me something is up. “I’ll be outside doing wood,” Dad calls out, “finish your dinner and no fooling around.” “OK so what’s your plan genius,” I say apprehensively.
“Oh you’ll see,” a very sly smile gracing his face. He gets up from the table and walks towards the sliding glass doors. I am suspecting that he’s just going to fling the food outside but surely he doesn’t think this is going to work, Dad will see him for certain. But no, near the edge of the doors the floor is sunken in on one side and apparently there is a small hole that Cade has covered with another small piece of wood to keep this hole hidden. Cade removes the piece of wood and begins to scrape his plate down into the hole. I am sitting in my chair watching all this and I can’t even believe it, “Gross! How long have you been doing this?” “I don’t know a couple, of weeks; it’s a great spot huh?” He says this as if nothing he is doing is out of the ordinary or amiss. I don’t say anything, for a little bit, and yeah I admit I was contemplating actually using this hidden garbage disposal that Cade has found in our floor. But no, I know better, this is definitely the wrong thing to be doing. I cautiously walk over to the doors and peer down into the hole, it is absolutely disgusting. Two weeks of old lunches and dinners that are going sour, molding, bugs are beginning to crawl over the waste and the stench is beginning to turn my stomach. I cannot believe no one has noticed the smell. I sit back in the chair and exclaim, “Cade, this is disgusting, I know Dad makes some pretty rank things sometimes but you need to stop doing this, were going to have rats and bugs all over the place. You need to stop.” “No, no, it’s fine,” He picks up my plate to scrape down into the hole when all hell breaks loose. My stepmother comes in the front door, without us hearing, she turns the corner into the dining room and catches Cade red handed, disposing of the remains of my dinner into “the hole.” (As it will forever be know) She absolutely freaked. Actually at first I don’t think she knew what was going on, “Uh, what do you think you’re doing?” Cade looked like a deer in headlights, he froze mid scraping. He knew at that moment he was screwed and his hole was on the verge of being discovered. I on the other hand stepped back a little, trying to distance myself from the explosion that was about to occur. Cade stands in front of the hole, trying to hide it, I guess when my stepmother pushes him aside, peering in at the decaying food. I thought she was going to faint, that or wring Cade’s neck. “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS! THAT IS DISGUSTING, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? GO GET YOUR FATHER, RIGHT NOW! THAT IS WHAT I'VE BEEN SMELLING! I know Cade was afraid, hell, I was afraid for him too. It was by no means over, it had just begun. “I’m not getting him,” Cade says with a twinge of boldness in his voice and he plants himself in the chair. At least he didn’t run he knows there’s no avoiding it. “FINE!” and she storms off outside in search of the disciplinary figure. We sit and wait in silence, Cade thinking about the judgment that’s coming and I, not wanting to make this any harder on him than it already is by saying “I told you so.” Dad steps through the doorway with my stepmother quick on his heels. He examines the floor and looks at Cade, I’m thinking to myself this is where the yelling starts but I was wrong. It’s worst when Dad says nothing because you know he’s really angry or disappointed. He pulls the trash can across the floor towards the hole, “start cleaning it up,” Dad says, you can hear the irritation in his voice which can only mean this is just the beginning of Cade’s punishment. “What do you want me to get it out with?” “Use your hands.” “Wwhat? Are you serious?” “Does it look like I’m joking around Cade?” “Yes sir.” Cade gets down onto the floor, slowly and reluctantly reaches his hands down into the hole, you can see the look of revulsion on his face, he picks up a pile of his rotting dinners and dumps it into the trash. “Good, keep it up, I’m going to the store, finish this and when I get back I’ll think of something else.” As soon as Dad is out of sight Cade practically runs to get a ladle to continue scooping so he doesn’t have to use his hands. I don’t say anything, instead I keep a look out, and no I didn’t help him remove his nauseating rotten food from the hole. I would do anything for him but that was way too much for me, I draw the line when there is a possibility of vomiting.

These days Cade’s still a little hesitant about his vegetables, but he learned to like most things. And at least now he takes responsibility for himself, scrapping his leftovers, boldly, into either the compost or the trash. The dogs still get their “treats,” our refuse. My dad’s a lot less strict about our eating habits, I think he scared Cade so much that he ran stomach first into sweat treats rather than eating healthy, but he’s just now starting to realize, that type of food really makes you feel gross over time and you just don’t have enough energy. Anyways, we always have the memory of “The Hole” to think about and give us some laughs.














Friday, September 21, 2007

Theme Week 4 - Truth or Consequences

1.) The seasons are changing, fall is upon us and winter is right around the corner. Most of the summer flowers are dead; I shake my head sorrowfully at the sight. The dead foliage is a nuisance. The weeds are reaching high in the overgrown garden as I spy the just visible pumpkin patch, the only good looking thing in here. I tie together some corn stalks and bring out some decorations to put next to the porch. I can’t wait to show Justin!


2.) It is autumn and I can feel the air changing which sends a small chill up my spine. I can smell the crispness that blows through the trees and clouds; I love this time of year. Most of the summer blooms have gone by and the job of collecting the dead foliage is at hand. I empty the various pots into the wheel barrel to be carried away to the compost pile. “Just not enough water,” I shake my head as I sorrowfully examine some pitiful looking Dahlia’s and sunflowers that are dried up and wilted. I am onto the garden next, struggling to pull up some of the weeds that are unruly and uncontrollable at this point. My patch of pumpkins did well this year; I found four beautiful little pumpkins tonight, perfect for carving. The corn stalks are taller than me as I wrestle them down to the ground so I can tie them together. They look very festive as I prop them up against the purple and red mums beside the porch. I place a pumpkin here and there to add some more color. I find a few Halloween decorations that I put out on the porch as well, a scare crow that sits in the ground, a witch flying on her broom and some ghostly candleholders. I feel good as I stand back and take in the scene, the decorations are so cute next to the pumpkins and flowers, I cannot wait to show Justin when he gets home. It’s funny how the smallest effort, like cleaning the yard and putting up Halloween decorations can make me so pleased. Happy Halloween!

3.) It is autumn and I can feel the cool wind that rushes upon my face and up my spine. The smell of the crisp air is intoxicating, I watch as the fallen leaves blow around the yard, the trees and clouds. It’s a whirlwind of colors; I love this time of year. The summer blooms have faded and fell off their stalks; I take away their remains and cart them off to the compost pile. “These ones are lovely,” I exclaim over the tall sunflowers and exquisite Dahlia’s that haven’t passed yet. I am onto the garden next, pulling out a few stray weeds here and there as I make my way to the pumpkin patch. I am very pleasantly surprised by the size of this year’s pumpkin. They are gigantic, Cinderella pumpkins that seem to have a mind of there own, sprawling out over the lawn, breaking free from the patch. I cannot even begin to lift them; they are too big to carve, “what will I do?” I figure, no need to worry about it now, I’ll leave that up to Justin. I effortlessly cut down some corn stalks and tie them together to put on display on the front lawn, along with the Halloween decorations. I put pumpkin lights on the porch with some witches and goblins hiding among the plants. Hanging from the trees are bats, ghosts and witches on brooms, and my favorite, a laughing skeleton that sits by the front steps. I feel very festive for the Halloween season, my yard does too!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Theme for Week Three ~ Dialogue


I walk into the brightly lit hallway, I can smell something cooking as I drop my bag near the door and throw myself on the overstuffed couch. "Ahhh... I am finally home, I am so tired,” I say as I kick my shoes off onto the rug.

My boyfriend comes out of the kitchen, a big smile stamped across his face,
"Hi, I feel like I haven't seen you in days."
"I know I missed you too."
He settles in next to me on the couch, "So how was your day?"

This is our little ritual, expelling the frustrations of the day to the others sympathetic ear.

"Oh, it was all right. I feel like I bombed the algebra test you helped me study for, but I made $200 at work tonight.”
“Well, I’m sure you did better than you thought you did on the test.”
“I’m not sure, I’m just glad that it’s over.”
“It must have been busy tonight; did you have to work with your boss?”
“Yeah, it was not fun. He was yelling at everyone tonight and we only had two girls on tonight, so yeah, it was interesting.”
“I don’t know why you let him talk to you like that, you need to say something.”
“I know, but I need the job. I have said things before to him; he apologizes for yelling but still does it the next time. Whatever.”
“Alright, are you hungry?”
“Of course I am, what do you have cooking for me, it smells great.”
“A little Italiano…”
“Yes! You know I have been craving it!”
“Well I am going to go finish it up, I left a glass of wine…”
His voice trails off as he rounds the corner for the kitchen. I spy the large goblet filled with the fragrant liquid on the stand beside me. It’s a familiar friend that uncoils the pressure that’s been building up all day. I stretch out on the couch with my glass in hand and Max, my gray feline friend, who has robbed my boyfriends’ seat from him. I start to drift off but before I can He returns…
“Dinner is served.”
“Great!”

We walk into the dining room where the lights are dimmed; candles illuminate the table where my feast awaits.

“Wow, what’s the occasion?”
“Just you. Actually I have to go to work in a couple of hours, graveyard shift.”
“No!”
“I’m sorry.”
“No. It’s OK. Thank you for the food, it looks beautiful. Baked ziti, Caesar salad, garlic bread, wine. It’s all just great. Thank you.”

I sit down on the hard oak chair; my napkin falls to my lap as I begin to drop spoonfuls of lettuce onto my plate. He passes me my dished out ziti, with all its cheesy goodness I devour my forkful, “Mm mm, delizioso.” This meal was a perfect ending to my unpleasant day.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Diurnal

I have been so busy I haven't been able to get online for more than five minutes, but I have been keeping track of my days so here they are:

Labor Day Weekend!
August 31st
Off to a good start this morning, waking up on time, out the door with coffee in hand. I felt like it was a Beatles morning, and listened to the band on the drive to Bangor. Classes went by fast and I was off to work for the night before I knew it. Friday nights I hostess at a restaurant in Belfast, it’s easy work and pays well. I had to train a new girl tonight, it was interesting. Alicia definitely has an entirely different personality than myself, so I was wary of the situation. Nevertheless, she was a strange character, funny ,had a beautiful singing voice and I enjoyed talking to her. It’s always nice to have someone extra to help you out and it makes the night go by quicker. After work I met my boyfriend at The Three Tides for a drink. It was a very uniquw place, they even brewed there own beer at the bar. The crowd was totally different than what we usually are around, they were older a little eccentric. Ahhh… It’s nice to unwind after work.

September 1st
I love to sleep in on Saturdays, it makes me feel like a kid, rolling out of bed around eleven, watching some Saturday morning cartoons before a big breakfast. Before work, I took the dogs for a run in the woods down back through the 4 wheeler trails. Saturday nights I waitress at a diner in Stockton, Just Barb’s, tonight was surprisingly not busy and went slowly by. I came home to oysters and champagne, what a great surprise. I am one of the few people that I know who likes oysters, and my boyfriend is definitely not one of them. He hates oysters and he cannot watch me eat them but he’s nice enough to get them for me anyway. I am elevated and content as I drift off to sleep… goodnight.

September 2nd
Today was a gorgeous day! And my day off! I went for a hike this morning at the ledges, it was so pretty at the top, the sky stretched out for miles as the sun beat down atop the rocks and shimmered over the lake. I contemplated what it would feel like to jump, free falling down and down, feeling the warm air rush against my face, seeing the smiling water waiting for me below. I imagine I would feel like a bird until I hit anyways.

This afternoon I visited with my family, I had a BBQ with my dad and brother. It was good to see them because it has been awhile. My brother who is seventeen has been in some trouble so it was really good to talk some sense into him. On the way home I stopped at my mothers house just to say Hi. It's always like walking on egg shelves before you get into the door, you never know what mood she's going to be in. Spent the rest of the night watching movies with my other half.

September 3rd

Another great day but it's off to work for me. Waitressing at Just Barb's all day. It was crazy when I arrived at 12:30 and it never let up until the end of the night. There was just two waitresses on and no hostess so I worked my little butt of but it was definately worth it when I counted my money up at the end of the night. So exhausted when I finally got home, made Justin give me a long foot rub before bed.



Sunday, September 2, 2007

Writer's Autobiography

1.)
I love to express myself artisticly through, writing,painting or drawing. I read endless books, I like to escape from time to time.I have always done well in english, through highschool and middleschool, I wish I could say the same about math but Oh well. I don't think I have encountered any assignment that I didn't like or couldn't turn into something that was uniquely mine. Writing to me is therapuetic, I like to take some time away and put everything down on paper.Freshman year I took a writing composition class, taught be Edward Rice, that I really enjoyed and did well in. Some of the assignments were challenging, but definately helped me improve my skill. I think I do fine at writing and it is something I really enjoy doing and would like to continue learning to enhance my technique.I was approached sophmore year by my biology teacher with a suggestion from Carol Lewandowski that I put a piece I had written for a current events article in the school newspaper. I thought this would be an exciting oppurtunity for me to get somewhat published, even though it was just an article in the school newspaper, I enjoyed doing it and being apart of something.I was thinking about taking a journalism class this symester for fun and to check out if this would be something worth considering for a career, however, the class is only available early mornings and I couldn't fit it into my schedule. I was disapointed but instead found this wonderful class that caught my eye and thought it would be fun to do for an elective, so here I am.I want to become a better writer, improve the skills that I have and learn some new ones along the way. There are no dissapointments to me in life as well as in writing, everything happens for a reason, you learn and grow from your mistakes. I don't think of myself as a great writer in any means, I enjoy doing it and will continue to do so because it makes me happy.
2.)
You return to the relief of your bedroom after a long and difficult day. There are so many thoughts whizzing around your mind, begging to be let out. Dropping your stuff at the door and retreating to the comfort of your bed you begin to unwind, easing into the quietness. You pick up your notebook, an old and fimiliar friend that is always there waiting for you. You begin to transcend the questions, thoughts, the difficulty of the day as you settle in to fill another friendly page of the sprawling paper before you. Slowly, words spring from your pen as feelings begin to come into focus and slowly evaporate onto the page. You begin to pick up speed, writing faster and faster as the thoughts pour out and your rage, hope, fear, dissapoitments, happiness; all those inadequate feelings that were escalating within in you just minutes before. And finally you break off for the moment, feeling infinetly better about yourself, now you can resurface into the world, recharged.
3.)
She smiles as she enters class, here she feels at home. There are no equations, no rules she needs to follow, she doesn't have to show her work. She can be her creative self, unaltered, impassive, and may write whatever comes to her mind. This is what feels right to her, she will soar on lyrical wings transcending the evils of mathematics, to a unworldly place where only her words and prose matter for this is where she comes from, she is a creature of creativity.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Diurnal

I had a very nice night of sleep. I didn't want to pull myself away from my wonderous dream as the alarm clocked sounded off outside my thoughts this morning. I never seem to remember any of my dreams, just the lingering feelings I'm stuck with while I stumble through the morning. It bugs me because my boyfriend remembers everything that happens, with alot of detail; colors, images, everything so animated. Jealousy has struck me more than once on this account.
Classes went by fast today and I was back at home before I knew it. I indulged in a sweet power nap this afternoon on the hammock. Swaying back and forth in the breeze, listening to the sounds of the woods, it was just too easy to fall asleep.
It's time to get cooking for dinner...Mmmm..Lasagna.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Diurnal

Today was my third day of classes and I already feel my head swelling with information, apprehension and just general discomfort. I commute to EMCC from Swanville and my first class is @ 10:00 on Wednesdays, which may not seem like a big deal to all of you "early risers" out there; you know, the ones who can't wait to get started on their day. However, for me, Iwas just born without that gene and waking up at 7:30 is like geting hit by a freight train and living to tell the tale. I AM NOT a morning person! So, needless to say after abot 5 cups of coffee and a nice warm shower I was still dragging myself out the door and off to start my hour long drive. As you know, driving is boring, especially by yourself, and more than once I found myself nodding off a little, what a horrible feeling. I never thought that I would come out of it, but of course I did, and by the middle of my first class I was definately more lively, thank God. My second class is full of despair and headaches. I am an artist, not a mathmatician, and for the life of me I cannot seem to pass a college algebra class no matter how hard I try. It is so so frustrating to concentrate all of your effort into one class and watch as you don't make the grade. I am determined to be master of my domain this year so watch out Fibonacci!